dude i'm inner monologue high
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
