I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well you can't waste a boner
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
