I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
