wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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