Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
