franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
