dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
