my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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