is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
