So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
honey bunches of taint.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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