Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
