I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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