I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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