so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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