Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
