Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
