The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
