But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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