all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
