I must be too annoying 4 u.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
