I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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