so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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