D3 body, D1 cock
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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