i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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