I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
