Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
