it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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