Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
