I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
