Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
