I'm really into asian looking animals
wrigley field is MILF paradise
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
