Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
