our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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