I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
