she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
