I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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