that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
