a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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