JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize