The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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