so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
