You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
