I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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