didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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