This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
