Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There r osticjed everywhere
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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