i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
