meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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