yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
