She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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