carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
