If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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