Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
