I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
