He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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