I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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