I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
