Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
