Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
