We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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