tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
